This First Love
by Kato Chinatsu
Summary: "Do you remember when you used to ask me every year what my wish is as soon as I blow the candles on my cake? I never did tell you, didn't I?" Birthday/Christmas fic for Akashi and Kuroko.


**Kato: This is a fic... Well, of course it is. Typing on my phone again so... Really hard. Angst ahead and I guess Happy Birthday to my sole emperor, Akashi Seijuuro! I will try to update one fic in line with his birthday so... See you later or tomorrow after this? **

**Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basket belongs solely to its creators. **

**Warning: Angst. **

**NOTE: Those italics between intervals are Akashi's.**

* * *

This First Love

* * *

_"If the me you see now has hurt you, then..."_

* * *

He was my first unrequited love, and loving him relentlessly at that time became painful with each passing day. With every hopes and dreams being crushed one at a time, I became too fragile and realized that I had to forget loving him to move on.

The crystalline drops of the snowflakes tickled my pale almost translucent skin, reminding me of the time that he had found me - the cold and isolated me on the corner of an abandoned school gym. His warm smile and reserved, yet friendly disposition thawed the frozen and icy walls I built to surround my heart. For the first time in my life, a hand reached out to me without hesitance, enveloping me in the security I didn't know I longed for. His crimson red orbs captivated me endlessly with its depth and intensity, and had me marvel at how it could shift to present a gentle and warm aura. His eyes constantly watched me, and his presence always guided me along the way. I found security and happiness in him, but my feelings were unspoken of, for fear that he would reject me. It was excruciating to be with him as he flashes those tenderly warm, yet rare smiles. If I confessed, he would reject me... Right? But it was a mistake to wait for awhile before I delivered my feelings.

He changed drastically as time passed by. He became a cold-hearted and completely reserved person that was so different from the person I had come to love.

_"I love you..."_ was the three solemn words I had breathed one night with my head bowed down in fear of his reaction.

His taunting laughter fleets through my ears, slowly crushing my heart severely.

_"Don't hope, Tetsuya."_

With those three words uttered in return, the tears I've held ever since I realized I fell for him cascaded down my cheeks with no such intention to stop. Nodding curtly before turning away, I ran as fast as I could from him, not once turning back to look at his face. My first love tastes so bitter in my tongue, like a blood-flavored kiss. With those parting words leaving a gaping hole that increased overwhelmingly through time, I lost sight of myself, as did the friends I had come to know by playing the sport I loved dearly. The squeaking and screeching of rubber shoes against the floor... The thumping of the ball against the ground... Even the soft whoosh caused by a ball entering the hoop... Every single sound had me curling into a tight ball with my ears violently protesting against each sound. A bile would always rise up from my throat with every succeeding sound, making me want to belch everytime if only I did not force myself to swallow it down. Loving him ruined myself. It was something I had come to face with as I saw the broken expressions of every player the team encountered and destroyed. I knew I had to face the music and strip off everything I had come to hate back at middle school. I had to move out of my old shell and settled into a new one. Indeed, I did just that. I stepped into a new life where I did not acknowledge my feelings for him, my thawed heart growing cold once again, colder than it previously was, trying to make it as impenetrable as possible, for fear of falling once again. Once was enough. I did not want to be broken twice.

* * *

_"I love you. But that was not enough of a reason to want you beside me..."_

* * *

I thought I had perfectly built those cold walls around my heart once again. I was afraid of letting someone into my heart again as I did with him. I was afraid of being cast aside once again after being used up completely. I had chosen to isolate myself again and thought that this time, I would be able to escape from falling in love again. I was wrong.

"Yo, Kuroko!"

I turned towards the sound of his voice, chapped lips curving into a faint smile as I acknowledged his presence.

"Kagami-kun."

It has been a year since I met him. He was... everything that Akashi-kun is not. He is reckless, he is stupid, he is... tall, he is daring... He is completely loyal and honest. Anyone would fall for those sincere smiles he would always, with no hesitance, flash. But, as I shunned away from loving someone, I came into terms that perhaps, this feeling was just admiration for him.

_"I love you..."_

He told me once, the ever broken me, after we lost for the first time to Aomine-kun's team. It reminded me of how I confessed to my first love - my voice laced with nervousness... but with that sincerity and promise of a true love. I looked up into those ruby red eyes... and cringed. It reminded me of my first love, and the bitterness I masked for so many months arose to my face once again.

_"I'm sorry... I can't..."_

I uttered, my voice but a mere whisper. I expected him to run away... like I did when I was rejected more than a year ago. But... he didn't. Instead, a soft smile crossed was present on his lips.

_"I knew you would say that,"_ Kagami-kun answered after awhile, his ruby red eyes gazing into mine._ "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not giving up on you."_

_... What?_

_"Why should I give up on someone I care about?"_ He continued with a wide grin spread across his lips as he rests one of his hands over my hair, ruffling it slightly. _"If you love someone, you shouldn't give up on them no matter what the odds are."_

I simply kept silent as he continued to speak, his words echoing in my mind. It was all empty words, I thought to myself at that time as I gazed up at the starless night sky.

Yet oddly, it gave the dark grey clouds hovering above me a silver lining. It gave me hope. One last hope that somehow, I could bring him back. Just one last chance to convey this message... message of love to him so that I won't have any regrets.

One last hope that he could be the same Akashi-kun that I have always irrevocably loved. One last hope that I could be by his side just one more time.

* * *

_"No matter what you may think, I still watch you from afar. Silently hoping that your heart won't ever change in the way it beats; to whom it beats for."_

* * *

_ "You disappoint me, Tetsuya."_

Words cut like a knife, as the saying goes. But Kuroko Tetsuya beg to differ. Words don't cut like a knife. It was far more excruciatingly painful. His words cut open a huge gash on his chest, severely exposing his erratically palpitating heart. But it didn't hurt as much as his introduction of Mayuzumi Chihiro, his so-called New Phantom Sixth Man. He did not know which hurt him more: being deemed useless... Or the fact that it seemed Akashi Seijuuro has already replaced him. Both in his heart... and possibly his mind.

He clutched his chest with one of his hands, his frame hunched forward to cover his eyes from everyone's view. For a moment, the nationals did not matter. For a moment, there was just him wallowing in his pain. It hurt. Everything hurt.

_"We believe in you."_

A hand came to rest on top of his hair, weaving through his baby blue locks and ruffling them in a soothing manner which he wanted... needed the most at the moment.

_"I believe in you."_

Is it a sin to seek refuge is someone else's warmth; especially to someone who had confessed to love you not more than a month ago? It probably is, but he did not care. At that moment, he gave in to the comfort his partner offered. He gave in to his bottled up emotions, letting them pour out of his eyes, cascading relentlessly along his cheeks. He could feel different stares directed at him. Sympathy. Pity. Trust...

Yet at that moment, none of those mattered. For once, he saw that ruby red color in a different light through his partner's presence. For once, that ruby red shade did not spoke of the man of his unrequited love.

For once, that ruby red color was just Kagami Taiga. And that ruby color became my new hope. That ruby red color became my haven. That ruby red color gave me strength.

This was a man who truly love me. Yet, in my moments of fragility, I had to shun him away. Now that I have completely crumbled, he was still there to pick me up piece by piece.

He was someone I knew I had to rely on in order to stand back up again.

* * *

_"You did not look up. You did not see. Gradually, you are drifting away from me... Yeah, I guess I am to be blamed for that."_

* * *

"It's almost Christmas, huh?"

"Hmm..."

"Come to think of it, it's almost a year since we met."

"Of course."

"Do you have any plans with your parents?"

"Simple ones. There's nothing much to be extravagant about."

"There's still five days. What about your friends?"

"... Five days?"

"Yeah, five days. It's the 20th today."

* * *

_"Do you still remember my birthdays back then? You would always ask after I blew out the candles... 'What did you wish for?'. I never got the chance to tell you, didn't I? Well then..."_

* * *

20th of December... Today was the birthday of my very first love. My very first unrequited love. I wonder briefly... How could I have forgotten? Then again, there was not much ground for me to remember.

_Should I greet him?_

Fleeting thoughts like that crossed my head as I stared at my phone absent mindedly, disregarding the crowd of people passing by my still figure. Kagami-kun had already excused himself from me, saying that he still had some shopping to do, surprisingly so for someone who I know has a few friends and relatives here in Japan. Should I message Akashi-kun? One message wouldn't hurt, would it? ... Or will it?

Before I could even come up with a decision, my phone began to ring and vibrate in my hand, startling me for a few seconds as I answered the incoming call.

"Hello?"

_"... I didn't know you took grudges that deep, Tetsuya."_ The person from the other line breathed, almost hesitantly as if weighing his words.

"Akashi-kun..." I murmured his name in surprise, and in incomprehension of his words. "What do you mean?"

_"... It did get pretty silent when all of us had to part schools. Out of all of them, I would have expected you to at least send me a message."_

_What...?_

_"... I was waiting the whole day, Tetsuya. But you didn't even call... Or messaged."_

I remained silent the whole time, eyes slightly wider than normal as I listened with surprise to his words.

_He... waited?_

_"Did you come to hate me so much?"_

"No!" I shouted, startling both myself and him with the increase in my voice. I swallowed once, twice, before speaking again. "I... I forgot the date today..."

_"... I see. Do you remember back then... everytime I celebrate this day, you ask me what my wish is and I never did tell you once?"_

"Yes... You never did tell me." I did not understand where things were headed to.

_"Do you still want to know what my wish was all throughout those years?"_

* * *

_"My wish is and always has been..."_

* * *

"If... you wish to tell me," I answered hesitantly.

_"My wish all those years has always been... For you to be there as well the following year, to celebrate this day with me..."_

I could feel a lump forming on my throat with those words, making me unable to speak or even open my mouth.

_"... And for your heart to never change whatever it had been feeling."_

I had an inkling that all this time, Akashi-kun knew of my feelings still awaiting to be returned. But I did not expect, out of all things for him to wish for those feelings to be kept.

Was it wrong for me to hope again?

On the date of his birth, on this cold wintry night, I wonder if I am just being delusional or was it simply me being head over heels for him. I didn't know which it was, but all I know is that...

* * *

_"Slowly chasing the distance between you and I, I wonder if I'll be able to close that gap I made out of hesitating to reciprocate your love."_

* * *

_"I'm still waiting, Tetsuya..."_ Akashi breathed before dropping the call.

I was still chasing after him. Hopelessly and irrevocably in deep for him. And I think that would never change. It never did.

* * *

_"If this cautious love has severed you, then... Please give it another chance?"_

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OPEN END

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**Kato: Meep. Dedicated to LadyLocket for the 300th review on my ongoing AkaKuro fic. Please be kind! Read and Review!**


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